Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Never Say Never Again

When? : January 20th, 2007. 10:30 P.M

Where?: Mayajaal Multiplex

What? : Pokkiri

Why???: I've been wondering bout that until this day...




The Aftermath:I swore never to watch another Vijay movie in my lifetime.



A few months later....


When exactly? : Novermber 8th, 2007 9 A.M

Where? : Inox Multiplex

What? : Azhagiya Tamil Magan

But Why? (Are you insane???): Nah!! We were just drunk....




Time heals, they say. So it was in my case. I had forgotten how traumatic my previous experience with a Vijay movie was. And so me and my motley group of friends found ourselves in a serpentine queue at INOX waiting to get in.


After the standard 'security check' where a gay security guard had the time of his life, the people who were going to watch ATM, were subjected to the following:


1. Counselling by eminent psychologists.

2. Free heart check up sponsored by Apollo Hospitals.

3. We were also made to sign a form which said that the management was not responsible for loss of any life.


Not ones to get dettered easily, we proceeded to the cinema hall with much merriment and excitement. As we opened the doors to screen 3, we were completely blown away by what we saw!!!!


People laughing, jumping, whistling, dancing....basically they were having a great time.



No!!! it wasnt the audience... it was one of the songs in the movie. The audience in contrast, wore expressionless looks on their faces. For a minute I thought that the entire zombie cast of 'Dawn of the Dead' had come to watch the movie.

So a little preplexed, we took our seats. The time was 9:20. Having missed twenty minutes of the movie, I asked the lady in front of me if the 'Ella Pugalum' song was over, to which she replied...


"Stupid "&%^~!£@ movie...."$£%&$%&£%^*%"


"Thanks!! Has anybody told you how mild mannered you are?", I enquired.


My buddy, Manoj turned towards the guy sitting next to him and asked...


"Excuse me, Can you tell me if the song....."

"Errrr...Excuse me....."

"Ummmm, I think hes dead!!!"


"Well, Looks like the movie is interesting!!!", said Elango.


We finally settled down to watch the movie....and so engrossed were we, that we realized we hadnt yawned in exactly 5 minutes. (Thanks mainly to Shriya and her costume designer).


I cant say anything else about the movie. Neither can my friends. We slept like babies you see.


We woke up at the interval, went out, bought one popcorn for the five of us (INOX is a costly place) and came back in just in time to watch the 'Mariyln Monroe' song. Dear Lord!!! Jennifer Lopez scanning??? Well...all I can say is, whatever scanner they used...they sure need to replace it!!

The woman is so fat....she just eclipses everything. I didnt know there were group dancers in the song until bout midway through, when I was able to see their shadows in the sand.

In fact, Kapil Sibal, the honourable Union Minister of State for Science and Technology and ocean development addressed a press conference yesterday where he said...

"We now have natural protection against tsunamis. Aint nothing getting past Namitha She is so big that after a tsunami wave strikes her, only her feet get wet"

I really feel sorry for her commode though. Imagine two tons of ass sitting on top of you every morning....I believe the guys at Parry Ware have her commode replaced everyday. The head honchos of the company are now working on a bold and innovative 'Namitha Proof Commode'

But enough P.J.s bout Namitha. Lets get back to ATM. Half way through the movie, a hysterical Shriya screams into the camera....


"Innuma inge irukke??? Veliye Po!!!"


which essentially means....




"This Namitha is so fat, this is what happened after she took a poop the other day..."




BEFORE:











AFTER:



Well anyways, this post is coming to an end.....If you ever decide to go to ATM, just make sure that its your banks and not the movie. This movie is so bad that watching Pokkiri felt like taking a pleasure cruise in the Bahamas

Ive now taken a solemn oath on my parents never to watch another Vijay movie again.

What? Wait for Kuruvi you say?

6 comments:

Aravind Raghu said...

good one machi! i wish vijay with his foresight would have seen this coming.he he

Anonymous said...

kadaisia eduku nama kavai pic poturuke..

Nikhil Narayanan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikhil Narayanan said...

hmmmmmm

interesting....
glad to know that you know all the 28 letters in the alphabet... did i type 28? ok 26. and you know some words. and you know how make phrases. And sentences outta phrases. and some paragrapghs outta it. but good to know that you have a sense of humour. respec!


first things first. ive not seen any vijay movie in a theatre. (im not so dumb) :P.... then again i dont want to see one also. illi went for a similar movie (albiet in hindi), and its called tashan!

its understandable that you wanted to got thru one of self inflicted torture session on a sunday morning. (on the other hand, i talk to my boss, :P)

inox security chcking: the fagggots did not even allow me to carry my precious minute maid bottle and pack of lays(american cream and onion flavor btw) , which i bought for mrp, and was busy insisting that i would have to buy the over priced coke and nachos which would make me feel like im from the ambani family. but the frisking was that gay, thanks to the unwashed shirt post a basketball session. (jus imagine!)

ah the movie... i can as well as copy paste your views on ATM.... and repalce shreya with kareena...as much as she was sexy for the sake being skinny sexy, the moment she opened her mouth to spew the dumbass dialouges, i pulled my hand from the popcorn dabba to my ears....horrible!!! interval my frends woke me up, and asked whtehr to continue the cranial torture.... i voted against watching the movie post interval....

so i got spared of the torture unlike how you sat thru. :)
btw ive met the fat slob whom you hav mentioned. namitha was my neighbour when i was in satying in nungabakkom. yup. that namitha only. and me and my friend , non tamil movie watching dumbfc*ks didnt realise who she was for some good 6 mths. all we knew that there some buxom lady who has some posh visitors at times ! :P

so by knowing that, it was unfair of you to inculde in a joke where the joke was ON the poor commode... (ask anu, she'll explain why im upset :P). i will stand anyone making jokes about my country, history, m.k.gandhi, but making jokes about the most vial part of the daily life.......aaaaaaargh..........!!!!!!!

btw are you watching kuruvi? :P
___________________

sorry for the spelling typos and shi*, i am not familiar in any languages spoken by modern man. :)

Ramesh said...

thambi nama aravinda pathi yaro oru nalavar comment panirukar pola

DRAVIDIAN said...

good to read ur blog after a long time.had a nice lauch.but despite working in a s/w company u have still not lost ur sense of humour (No offense).i should have guessed u jus go to office and not work.

But i say you should seriously consider comin up with a novel like "five point someone".unakula oru chetan bagat thoongititrikan avane thatti eluppu.don worry at least i will buy provided you give me 500 bucks.

P.S:I have not been paid for writing this comment