Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Never Say Never Again

When? : January 20th, 2007. 10:30 P.M

Where?: Mayajaal Multiplex

What? : Pokkiri

Why???: I've been wondering bout that until this day...

The Aftermath:I swore never to watch another Vijay movie in my lifetime.

A few months later....

When exactly? : Novermber 8th, 2007 9 A.M

Where? : Inox Multiplex

What? : Azhagiya Tamil Magan

But Why? (Are you insane???): Nah!! We were just drunk....

Time heals, they say. So it was in my case. I had forgotten how traumatic my previous experience with a Vijay movie was. And so me and my motley group of friends found ourselves in a serpentine queue at INOX waiting to get in.

After the standard 'security check' where a gay security guard had the time of his life, the people who were going to watch ATM, were subjected to the following:

1. Counselling by eminent psychologists.

2. Free heart check up sponsored by Apollo Hospitals.

3. We were also made to sign a form which said that the management was not responsible for loss of any life.

Not ones to get dettered easily, we proceeded to the cinema hall with much merriment and excitement. As we opened the doors to screen 3, we were completely blown away by what we saw!!!!

People laughing, jumping, whistling, dancing....basically they were having a great time.

No!!! it wasnt the audience... it was one of the songs in the movie. The audience in contrast, wore expressionless looks on their faces. For a minute I thought that the entire zombie cast of 'Dawn of the Dead' had come to watch the movie.

So a little preplexed, we took our seats. The time was 9:20. Having missed twenty minutes of the movie, I asked the lady in front of me if the 'Ella Pugalum' song was over, to which she replied...

"Stupid "&%^~!£@ movie...."$£%&$%&£%^*%"

"Thanks!! Has anybody told you how mild mannered you are?", I enquired.

My buddy, Manoj turned towards the guy sitting next to him and asked...

"Excuse me, Can you tell me if the song....."

"Errrr...Excuse me....."

"Ummmm, I think hes dead!!!"

"Well, Looks like the movie is interesting!!!", said Elango.

We finally settled down to watch the movie....and so engrossed were we, that we realized we hadnt yawned in exactly 5 minutes. (Thanks mainly to Shriya and her costume designer).

I cant say anything else about the movie. Neither can my friends. We slept like babies you see.

We woke up at the interval, went out, bought one popcorn for the five of us (INOX is a costly place) and came back in just in time to watch the 'Mariyln Monroe' song. Dear Lord!!! Jennifer Lopez scanning??? Well...all I can say is, whatever scanner they used...they sure need to replace it!!

The woman is so fat....she just eclipses everything. I didnt know there were group dancers in the song until bout midway through, when I was able to see their shadows in the sand.

In fact, Kapil Sibal, the honourable Union Minister of State for Science and Technology and ocean development addressed a press conference yesterday where he said...

"We now have natural protection against tsunamis. Aint nothing getting past Namitha She is so big that after a tsunami wave strikes her, only her feet get wet"

I really feel sorry for her commode though. Imagine two tons of ass sitting on top of you every morning....I believe the guys at Parry Ware have her commode replaced everyday. The head honchos of the company are now working on a bold and innovative 'Namitha Proof Commode'

But enough P.J.s bout Namitha. Lets get back to ATM. Half way through the movie, a hysterical Shriya screams into the camera....

"Innuma inge irukke??? Veliye Po!!!"

which essentially means....

"This Namitha is so fat, this is what happened after she took a poop the other day..."



Well anyways, this post is coming to an end.....If you ever decide to go to ATM, just make sure that its your banks and not the movie. This movie is so bad that watching Pokkiri felt like taking a pleasure cruise in the Bahamas

Ive now taken a solemn oath on my parents never to watch another Vijay movie again.

What? Wait for Kuruvi you say?